Do you have friends? Do you have enemies? Do you have frenemies? I wasn’t all that familiar with the term “frenemy” until I started writing this post. According to Wikipedia (yes, I’m using that as a source!), a frenemy is "friend and enemy which can refer to either an enemy disguised as a friend or to a partner who is simultaneously a competitor and rival.” Urbandictionary.com defines frenemy as “an enemy disguised as a friend.”
Basically people are combining the words “friend” and “enemy” and assuming “frenemy” is some type of two-faced negative.
What if we were to combine those words into a positive instead? In other words, what if “frenemy” referred to someone who was such a friend they shared things with you from an enemies’ perspective?
We all have weaknesses—I sure have my share. And all too often we only want to hear the good things about ourselves. But a true friend (or in this case a frenemy—sometimes called friendemy) lets you know about your blind spots.
Are there people in your life you can contact that will give you honest feedback about yourself? Even if you don’t want to hear it? One of the think huge principles is “think learning.” That means learning about yourself: the good, the bad and the ugly. One of the best ways to learn about yourself is to ask others for feedback.
Here’s a recent example a colleague shared with me. One of his friends had just been fired from his job as a CEO of a financial institution. The fired friend had run into trouble with the financial institution’s board of directors. My colleague shared with his friend that he was pretty gruff and sometimes rough around the edges. While his friend was knowledgeable and often right on the issues he was not a natural relationship builder. My colleague let him know that to be a successful CEO you have to have strong people skills. That was a hard conversation to have. However, this “frenemy” shared something that needed to shared. As a result, this friend is now aware of a former blind spot/weakness and is improving it.
Let’s be honest: it is hard to change. Especially when it comes to how we are wired individually. But do you want to be the same person tomorrow or next year as you are today? Or do you want to be better?
If you choose to be better then you might need to choose a “frenemy” who will help you become that better person.
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